There’s a well known book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, but WHY do men and women seem to view the world from completely different perspectives, as if they’re from separate planets?
We often hear women say they don’t understand men and vice versa, but is the battle of the sexes real? After all, women often exhibit masculine qualities and men demonstrate a feminine side; aren’t we all a little bit of both? Of course there are no hard and fast rules that apply to everyone. However, in general, women are viewed as more emotional and sensitive, primarily concerned with communication and relationships, whereas men are known for being cool, inexpressive, physical and sexual, with a propensity to try to fix things, or resolve issues in a logical, matter of fact manner.
Men and women DO have different physiological components, i.e. brain patterns and chemistry; there are 78 genes in the Y chromosome that are different from those in the X chromosome, not to mention hormonal differences caused by the different levels of oestrogen and testosterone. Characteristically, men tend to process things logically, in black and white, whereas women do so sentimentally, in the grey area.
Society teaches men “big boys don’t cry”, ‘be tough,’ ‘take it like a man’. Anger is permitted but any evidence of a softer side is taboo. Yet look behind the strong facade and you’ll find someone stinging with the same insecurities, jealousy, hurt, and fear that women possess. Perhaps if men were encouraged to convey their full range of emotions, there’d be a lot less warring between individuals, as well as nations.
Women increase their esteem from keeping the family together, thriving in love and intimacy, whereas a man’s worth appears tied to his financial success. Consequently, the man may have to be more accountable and tolerate more in the workplace, as he can’t afford to leave or be fired from his job. Although things are changing, with more women having successful careers and some men choosing to stay at home with the children, traditionally, women still have to give birth and men really have little choice but to go to work and build a career.
These scenarios can often transfer to dating, where a man may feel interrogated by a lot of questions, especially regarding economic status. Women are notoriously attracted to success and if the guy wants to be appealing, his value often seemingly depends on being an achiever. A woman’s innocent interest in a man’s residence, career, or car, can brand her a gold digger.
Consider that the reason she’s asking about your livelihood isn’t her desire to find a sugar daddy but an honesty curiosity into what makes you tick and what’s meaningful for you. Since men are so work oriented, they consider initial dates as a job interview, which in some sense is quite accurate. Men try to sell themselves, hoping to land the position of ‘mate.’ On the other hand, a man’s enquiries into a woman’s former marriage(s) or children may cause defensiveness on her part, for fear he’ll label her a failure, as her identity is linked to flourishing familial relationships.
Men are visual; women verbal. When a man sees someone alluring, he responds physically; women react emotionally. That’s why after making love, men can fall asleep, feeling fulfilled, while women want to continue the connection, through talking, touching, cuddling. Women fall faster; men harder. Women will speak of being in love after having sex once or twice: men just use those terms after knowing you on a deeper level. Men tend to be loners and go to a party alone or with a mate, Women are inclined to mix in groups.
If you’ve ever wondered why it’s difficult to get your guy to communicate with more than a grunt during his favourite sports program, while women can simultaneously watch TV, talk and do other activities? It’s because women are comfortable multi-tasking, whereas men prefer focusing on a single item.
Women have better memories for details, whereas men often forget birthdays and anniversaries. Men find comfort in solving problems and try to find solutions to their partners quandaries, even when they’re not looking for advice! Men try to resolve the problem, when it suffices for the women to be heard and acknowledged. Rather than trying to fix the dilemma presented, men can work wonders by practising active listening and subsequently being seen as understanding and caring.
Men and women also have different time clocks! If a woman doesn’t hear from you within a day or two, it’s like an eternity to her, but to a man it’s merely minutes. If a guy waits several days to call, she’s likely to have already built up irritation and resentment, evident by her tone of voice. Conversely, he can’t comprehend why she’s upset, given that to him, it’s only a short period of time that’s passed. Take into account that when a man doesn’t call you back right away, it may have nothing to do with you. He may simply be sorting out his thoughts as they do on Mars.
But, no matter Whether from Mars or Venus, we’re all looking to love and be loved.